is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
