Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
