I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
