last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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