so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize