addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
