dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
