Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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