You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He called his prostate his "boner button".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
