i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
