Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
