Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
