My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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