She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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