I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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