I bet he comes in French.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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