so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize