Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
