Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Randomize
