Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
