Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
