it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
