At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
