How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
