I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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