wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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