let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
