I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
