i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
