worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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