I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
