New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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