People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I love having hate sex.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
