My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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