He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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