Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
