what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
