she woke up with a sticky ear
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
