It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
