I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
