3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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