Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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