Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
