omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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