he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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