Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
