It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
