I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
