I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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