no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
