If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
