dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize