And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize