Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
