the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Semen is not good for contacts.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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