how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
