your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
