Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
