im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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