Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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