I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
