I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
