I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
