we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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