He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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