oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
