You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
