is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
