Got a toothbrush?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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