Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
