my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
