Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize